Monday, November 30, 2009

Vegas Baby, Vegas

Here are a few things that the Illini could have learned from their weekend in Vegas.

If you can't spot the sucker in the first half-hour at the table, then you are the sucker.

Translation:  The Illini came in to the tournament thinking they were the big-shot favorites, and they ended up with no wins and no dignity.

No matter what a stripper tells you, there's no sex in the champagne room.

Translation: Rankings mean nothing. The Illini have been touted as a team on the rise (I drank as much kool-aid as anybody) and have talent, but that does not guaruntee anything in terms of wins.

It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money.

Translation:  The Illini had Utah right where they wanted them, and were up by 16 at the half, then, in the words of Denny Green, we let them off the hook.  A Utah team that went on to lose by 22 to Oklahoma State.  Then the Illini should have been charged up and angry to play Bradley, but instead, they just folded and let the Braves go on an 11-2 run to close the game. 
To add insult to injury, Bradley's Andrew Warren said "They're kind of our big brother, we're the younger brother. It's big win for us."  Bradley is not the little brother of Illinois.  They are the loser cousin that we should kick the crap out of because they're weak and annoying.

The beautiful babies don't work the midnights-to-six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.

Translation:  It is an odd thing to suggest after the Illini just failed to show up against weak competition, but maybe Bruce should think of putting them in some big-boy tournaments (you know, tournaments that might be televised) like the preseason NIT, the Puerto Rico tourney, or the Maui tourney, instead of the piddly little tournaments they have been playing recently. At least then we would be losing to good teams and gaining some national press.  The Tom Izzo philosophy is to play in the big tournaments and against good teams in the non-conference, get knocked around a little, and by the time the NCAA's come around your team has seen it all, and goes deep when it counts.  Maybe Bruce should take an idea from a coach that has actually won something (no disrespect to Gene Keady).

You always double down on a ten.  Always.

Translation:  No direct basketball application.  Just great words to live by.

I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I won't ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.
Translation: The Hangover was just a movie, but sometimes you wish you could forget what happened to you in Vegas.  Fortunately for Illini fans, the games were not televised and there are no visual memories to forget. Just the crippling emotional pain.

1 comment:

  1. Can I nominate this for best Free Keon article at the Keon's (award ceremony) in January? You forgot to include fitting excuses for Davis' and Tisdale's performances: "I'm tall, but I look young."


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