Wednesday, October 21, 2009

FREE KEON EXCLUSIVE -- Normal Community: A Delightful mud-pit of Deceit and Debauchery

As my two Free Keon compatriots and I sat in the visiting mass of maroon and white at Normal High School on Friday night we could only marvel at the pure beauty of the site before us. Never before had I seen such muddy conditions; and for my money the more dastardly the weather the more glorious the football experience. The site almost mirrored a gladiator arena that had been filled with mud to make the violent competition that much more difficult and compelling.

Yet, you can image the all-encompassing horror with which I was met when I found that these glorious conditions may have been artificially created, by the home team, for completive advantage.

Substantiated rumors say that Normal Community intentionally watered their field before Friday’s game against Danville so as to slow Danville’s speed oriented offense down and effectively level the playing field. Apparently, eye witness testimony indicated that several other fields across the Bloomington-Normal area were not nearly as moist and muddy. Additionally, the Free Keon staff, which was present, noticed an unusual trail of mud and water leading up to the field.

It’s bad enough that the whole world is “juiced”, but now you’re telling me that I’ve got to suspect that every field has been “enhanced” to provide an even greater home field advantage? If this kind of tom-foolery is allowed it is only a matter of time before we start seeing teams use snow machines to create winter wonderlands in order to stop aerial attacks or giant fans in order to neutralize potent kicking games. I sincerely hope the Big 12 conference and the IHSA do a full scale investigation to get to the bottom of this unsuccessful attempt at underhanded victory.

On a side note: I would be completely in favor of allowing every team to have an announced “home field advantage” one week prior to each game. This would allow for such things as snow machines, giant fans, pools, trap doors, brier patches, rings of fire, ramps, and live animals. I mean if you’re going to allow things to get a bit crazy, you may as well let them get REAL crazy.

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