Monday, August 3, 2009

What the F happened to Stephon Marbury

So I am just sitting here, thinking to myself, what is the weirdest piece of crap I could blog about for my first entry into the wonderful world of Free Keon (Krehbiel, you are a God), and my first instinct went to screwed up athletes. For those of us that follow this blog, sports has become a pseudo-religion, and that got my mind racing on which athlete was most likely to start up his own cult. The answer that came to me quicker than Petey getting a hard on during a Russel Crowe movie was Stephon Marbury. For those of you that haven't seen Starbury's recent Ustream catastrophe (by the way, Ustream and Twitter are both signs that the apocolypse is upon us, I swear to God that Chad Johnson is the AntiChrist), you can check out some of the most insane parts here: complete B.S. This is just freakin' unbelievable. This is an man that is making over $21 million a year, has averaged over 19 points a game for his NBA career, was a two time NBA all-star, and represented the United States on an Olympic basketball team. Now he has been reduced to sobbing like a beotch during an R&B song and eating Vaseline. I can't explain's like watching a car accident. You don't want to see the results, but oddly, you can't take your eyes off it. The worst part about this is that this kind of thing is becoming commonplace. You have a bunch of overpayed, too young, immature kids coming out of poor living situations, doing nothing but supporting their posse, overspending out of control, and becoming a cancer to their team and a black eye to whatever league they're in. (As for Krehbiel and me, we can trace this back to a single man...Curtis Conway. This man ushered in an era of pricks in the NFL that has led to a trickle down effect in each league.)

We need to remember, however, that this is a man that does have some good qualities to him. He tried to produce shoes that are affordable to kids that grew up in the hood like him, he donates quite a bit of money to inner city schools, and has even been named to the Sporting News's "Good Guys in Sports" list three times. (Three times more than Kobe Bryant shockingly, and yes, there is some actual research going into this blog). For me, this enhances his occult cannot be the leader of a group of nut jobs without coming off as the good guy in some respects. This is why the answer clearly cannot be Ron Artest (just a complete idiot), Kobe Bryant (rapist), or as much as we love him Keon Clark (just too freakin awesome and possibly the drugs). So for me, the answer is Stephon Marbury, and the first member of his cult would probably be his cousin, Sebastian Telfair, but that's just a shot in the dark. And this is what is great about blogs, we can actually discuss it, so if anyone, whether member or not, has a better athlete (I doubt it, but I'm open to suggestions), throw it out there and I'll mock your logic mercilessly because there is no one out there better than Stephon Marbury.

Peace Brooklyn


  1. hahaha, I cant believe that Sporting News list, how many times did Rae Carruth make that list?

    I have a couple of suggestions on the cult front.

    1. Kyle Orton - people would follow Captain Neckbeard to the ends of the earth.

    2. Yao Ming - He essentially already has his own cult, it's called China.

    3. Kirk Heinrich - Its called "White People who think they can play shooting guard in the NBA" so far its just Kirk and Kyle Korver, they rejected Jason Kapono for obvious reasons.

  2. okay...

    1.) Kyle Orton - only homosexual hillbillies like you and Petey will follow him to the ends of the earth

    2.) Yao Ming - I have a greater chance of ever playing in the NBA again than this 7'6" no one in China likes Yao, they're just afraid of if they don't follow his career he'll come out of the sea and destroy their cities.

    3.) Kirk Heinrich - Checkmate, you got me on that one. I would drink the Kool-Aid with him.

  3. Agreed, the Orton cult would be a very select and possibly homosexual following. and the statue would be a golden image of Kyle with his shirt off drinking jack straight from the bottle.

    That Yao comment is funny cuz I have this image in my mind of Yao rising up out of the sea but the moment he goes to trample a Chinese village his foot breaks and he is out for the season.

    You gotta give me Kirk. Besides, starting up your own cult is really a white man's game.


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